Sometimes waiting on God is the loneliest place man can venture. It is still. It is quiet. You strain to hear His voice, to have Him step down from His heavenly throne to visit you for a while. You long for Him to make sense of all the random pieces of your life, for Him to show you why it was a good thing that your heart was broken way back when… You remember the words He spoke to you long ago, when you were just a baby in Him. You remember how it felt when everything was fresh and new. You remember how you saw with such clear eyes and how you had such an eager heart to do the will of the Father. Then the years pass and pass and pass and you’re tempted to forget the things He had spoken to you when you were young. The years, the time, threaten to kill your hopes and your dreams. They threaten to steal your seed of hope, your seed of faith. The trials will either kill your faith or make it stronger. Which will it be?
You enter a place in your faith where you cannot go back to what you used to be. You cannot claim the ignorance you once had, though your ignorance was at times, bliss. You enter a place of such loneliness and not a single, living human being can understand the depth of your longing and loneliness. Even you don’t understand you. Only the prophets of old and the living God can understand you. You just know that you are still not satisfied. The sobering reality is you shall never be satisfied in this life. There will be moments, seasons, periods of time that you feel all of heaven surrounding you and for that brief and passing moment, you are satisfied. But those moments do not last long. They are fleeting and you are left, once again, hungering and thirsting for the Bread of Life and the Water of the Spirit.
Oftentimes, looking back to your past is death. God implicitly instructed Lot and his wife not to look back, but she did anyways and in that very moment, she died. She died because she stopped looking ahead. She died because she gave into the temptation to look at what she left behind her, to revisit the pain of the past. And in one, brief second, it consumed her. It overtook and killed her.
In our times of waiting, in our times of loneliness and quiet, we are often tempted to look back. Don’t. Don’t look back. Fight and fight hard to look ahead, to keep hope alive.
Be still my soul and wait upon the Lord.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Friday, June 8, 2007
Birth
Isaiah 66:9
“Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery?" says the Lord. "Do I close up the womb when I bring to delivery?" says your God.
June has come and once again, I have given a spiritual birth to something that I labored for through the winter and spring. I was praying on the long ride home from Minnesota on on New Year’s Day. I felt like God said to me, “By June, you’ll have a new job.”
This made me immensely glad. Yet, I didn’t get too excited because after all, there have been countless moments where I thought I heard the voice of God but was mistaken. So I held lightly to that word and hoped it was true. At the time, I was in a job that was sucking the lifeblood out of my every breathing moment. It was the most intense, most horrific work experience I had ever encountered. It was often a daily battle for me to understand why a loving, gracious God would put me in such an inferno. I guess Daniel and the boys thought the same thing when old Nebbie threw them in the furnace.
But they weren't there for long and neither was I.
On May 11th, I got an offer for the job of my dreams: a creative writer position with a cutting edge communications company in Colorado. The salary was a 40% increase from my current salary, and I would be working from home. Because the company puts a high value on creativity, they encourage key employees to live anywhere in the continental U.S. and simply communicate by phone and computer—both of which they would provide.
I was absolutely stunned. Speechless. For those of you who know me, running out of words is a rarity for me. The Lord my God had come through in the most unimaginably wonderful way…it was absolutely one of the most amazing opportunities that He has ever brought to me. Furthermore, I was later told that I was 1 of 80 candidates for the position. God reserved a place just for me.
I didn’t even know this kind of a job existed. When I was job searching, I was discouraged because I absolutely hated the pressure and work load of my present field and didn’t have experience in anything else. I was in a small, tight place and I couldn’t see a way out. I was desperate for God to help me break out of this place. And He did. On a whim one day, I applied on Monster.com for this position. The job description was vague and the company’s website was under construction. I brushed it off and didn’t give it another moment’s thought. Until one day a few weeks later, I was contacted for a phone interview. From there, things moved exceptionally quickly and I was offered the position immediately.
I purposely wrote the previous entry in April so that I could bring all of you with me on this journey. I brought you with me so that your faith could be strengthened. It’s not to show you how “great” I am, but how great HE is. Look and see what the Lord has done. What He has done for me, surely He will do for you.
“Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery?" says the Lord. "Do I close up the womb when I bring to delivery?" says your God.
June has come and once again, I have given a spiritual birth to something that I labored for through the winter and spring. I was praying on the long ride home from Minnesota on on New Year’s Day. I felt like God said to me, “By June, you’ll have a new job.”
This made me immensely glad. Yet, I didn’t get too excited because after all, there have been countless moments where I thought I heard the voice of God but was mistaken. So I held lightly to that word and hoped it was true. At the time, I was in a job that was sucking the lifeblood out of my every breathing moment. It was the most intense, most horrific work experience I had ever encountered. It was often a daily battle for me to understand why a loving, gracious God would put me in such an inferno. I guess Daniel and the boys thought the same thing when old Nebbie threw them in the furnace.
But they weren't there for long and neither was I.
On May 11th, I got an offer for the job of my dreams: a creative writer position with a cutting edge communications company in Colorado. The salary was a 40% increase from my current salary, and I would be working from home. Because the company puts a high value on creativity, they encourage key employees to live anywhere in the continental U.S. and simply communicate by phone and computer—both of which they would provide.
I was absolutely stunned. Speechless. For those of you who know me, running out of words is a rarity for me. The Lord my God had come through in the most unimaginably wonderful way…it was absolutely one of the most amazing opportunities that He has ever brought to me. Furthermore, I was later told that I was 1 of 80 candidates for the position. God reserved a place just for me.
I didn’t even know this kind of a job existed. When I was job searching, I was discouraged because I absolutely hated the pressure and work load of my present field and didn’t have experience in anything else. I was in a small, tight place and I couldn’t see a way out. I was desperate for God to help me break out of this place. And He did. On a whim one day, I applied on Monster.com for this position. The job description was vague and the company’s website was under construction. I brushed it off and didn’t give it another moment’s thought. Until one day a few weeks later, I was contacted for a phone interview. From there, things moved exceptionally quickly and I was offered the position immediately.
I purposely wrote the previous entry in April so that I could bring all of you with me on this journey. I brought you with me so that your faith could be strengthened. It’s not to show you how “great” I am, but how great HE is. Look and see what the Lord has done. What He has done for me, surely He will do for you.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
New Life
Are any you are going through extreme turmoil right now? Are you beyond your breaking point? Do you feel like all hell is breaking loose all around you? Are you exhausted beyond belief and feel like you just cannot withstand one more day?
Maybe you’re not but I am. I have noticed, though, over the past several years that the seasons of my life—the seasons of God in my life, coincide with the seasons in the natural world: summer, fall, winter, spring.
"Blessed be the name of God, forever and ever. He knows all, does all: He changes the seasons and guides history, He raises up kings and also brings them down, he provides both intelligence and discernment, He opens up the depths, tells secrets, sees in the dark—light spills out of him! God of all my ancestors, all thanks! all praise! You made me wise and strong.” - Daniel 2:19
It is April 28th. We have entered spring: the season where all of the earth around us is pushing and fighting hard for new life. It fights through the storms and the temperature that threatens to snow upon it again. It pushes through the hard, cold soil that is beginning to thaw. It pushes through the cold, nearly dead branches on the trees. New life is pushing its way through.
For me, the months of March, April, and most of May have been, for the past 4 years, agonizing months. In the depths of winter, January or February, I will begin to get a glimpse of something good, something very good to come, and something in me understands that it will come by June or July. By March, I’m starting to groan in my spirit, because the pain of my circumstance becomes more intense. By April, I’m pushing and fighting even harder to hang onto the hope, the glimpse I have of that good something that is coming. I hang on with everything I’ve got through thunderstorms and late spring snow storms, I hang on because despite what temper tantrums the weather is throwing, my calendar says that it is SPRING. And the natural progression after spring is SUMMER. Come summer, life is in full-bloom. The pressure is off. The buds have pushed through earth and branches and are alive and well. It happens every year. It’s a wonder that I still have to fight doubt, disbelief and despair every year that summer will come. That life will live. That I will come through whatever ordeal it is that I’m fighting.
Whatever it is that you are waiting for, whatever it is that you are hoping for: Don’t give up. Keep pushing through. Eventually, you, like the buds on the trees, will burst through and blossom. Once the buds turn to leaves and the summer is rich and full, there’s no more laboring for life. They simply live and exist and enjoy the sun. At least for a season. Then we die and grow to new life all over again the next year. Each year, though, if believe in our God and if we trust ourselves to trust our God, we will be all the more wise, strong, and able to push ourselves through to new life.
Maybe you’re not but I am. I have noticed, though, over the past several years that the seasons of my life—the seasons of God in my life, coincide with the seasons in the natural world: summer, fall, winter, spring.
"Blessed be the name of God, forever and ever. He knows all, does all: He changes the seasons and guides history, He raises up kings and also brings them down, he provides both intelligence and discernment, He opens up the depths, tells secrets, sees in the dark—light spills out of him! God of all my ancestors, all thanks! all praise! You made me wise and strong.” - Daniel 2:19
It is April 28th. We have entered spring: the season where all of the earth around us is pushing and fighting hard for new life. It fights through the storms and the temperature that threatens to snow upon it again. It pushes through the hard, cold soil that is beginning to thaw. It pushes through the cold, nearly dead branches on the trees. New life is pushing its way through.
For me, the months of March, April, and most of May have been, for the past 4 years, agonizing months. In the depths of winter, January or February, I will begin to get a glimpse of something good, something very good to come, and something in me understands that it will come by June or July. By March, I’m starting to groan in my spirit, because the pain of my circumstance becomes more intense. By April, I’m pushing and fighting even harder to hang onto the hope, the glimpse I have of that good something that is coming. I hang on with everything I’ve got through thunderstorms and late spring snow storms, I hang on because despite what temper tantrums the weather is throwing, my calendar says that it is SPRING. And the natural progression after spring is SUMMER. Come summer, life is in full-bloom. The pressure is off. The buds have pushed through earth and branches and are alive and well. It happens every year. It’s a wonder that I still have to fight doubt, disbelief and despair every year that summer will come. That life will live. That I will come through whatever ordeal it is that I’m fighting.
Whatever it is that you are waiting for, whatever it is that you are hoping for: Don’t give up. Keep pushing through. Eventually, you, like the buds on the trees, will burst through and blossom. Once the buds turn to leaves and the summer is rich and full, there’s no more laboring for life. They simply live and exist and enjoy the sun. At least for a season. Then we die and grow to new life all over again the next year. Each year, though, if believe in our God and if we trust ourselves to trust our God, we will be all the more wise, strong, and able to push ourselves through to new life.
Monday, April 16, 2007
The Final Quest
I’ve just finished the book The Final Quest by Rick Joyner. I highly, highly recommend this for any and every individual who claims to follow Jesus. This book impacted me so powerfully, more so than a year’s worth of Sunday morning sermons combined. It’s a short but incredibly dense book and I could only read about 2-3 pages at a time, and then before I knew it, found myself moved to tears, convicted, and desperate to live the life that God has called me to. This book is guaranteed to literally rock your world.
What I took away from it are these 4 things:
Humilty
Wisdom
Love
Obedience
In that order.
Biblically speaking, humility is not a lack of self-confidence. It’s not an attitude of defeat. It’s simply recognizing that you can do nothing of worth without God. Sure, you can do most anything you put your mind to on earth and in life, but if it’s not of God, fueled by God, or assigned to you by God, it means nothing. Even those who seem to have accomplished “great” things in the world may be in for a surprise when they stand before the judgment seat of Christ and He asks them why they never sought His counsel on any of it. Then all of their great works are burned up because it wasn’t what they were called to accomplish. Humility is a simple yet fate-determining realization that apart from your Creator you can do nothing and you are nothing.
For me, a helpful visual of true humility is when I’m on plane. Flying in airplanes still doesn’t cease to amaze me and remind me of my smallness on the earth. It happens when the plane descends over a city and I look down at the millions of cars and buildings that are so small that they look like toys, and then I think of all the people occupying them and how much smaller even they are… yeah. Apart from God I’m just another ant on planet earth. I’m not that big of a deal in and of myself. But with God, I have the capabilities to be a very big deal. It has nothing to do with me, but EVERYthing to do with Him because, in case you haven’t realized, God is a very big deal.
So we must start with the truthful realization of what it means to be humble. Only then can wisdom, love, and obedience follow. When you are truly humble, you are open to God’s wisdom because you certainly know that your best-laid plans and ideas pale in comparison to what the Creator of the universe has to say about how to spend your time and your life. When you’re humble, you listen. You seek hard after God and His infinite wisdom because in your humility, you know your plans can go seriously array. Also in your humility, you know that the motives of your heart can deceive you and if you’re not careful, you’re doing things out of fear, pride, or selfish ambition. In your humility, you seek hard after God’s wisdom because you know that only He knows what’s in your heart and what it will take to get you to live a life of true, unconditional love.
When you’ve been humbled, sought the wisdom of God and received it, you are filled with an overflowing amount of love for Him and from Him. You fall in love with God again and again and again because He is utterly loveable. His wisdom is just so good and so fulfilling to your very soul that you can’t help but be filled with gratitude and love for Him. How could you live without His infinite kindness, goodness, mercy and help?? How could you possibly go on living a life that is so contingent upon all of your own meaningless ideals and preferences?? How could you live without His all-knowing perspective that saves you time and time and time again from taking wrong turns and making a mess of your life??
This love then fuels your desire to be obedient to Him unto death. You are so filled with love that you can’t wait to please Him. You are so filled with love that you will do anything for Him. And it is this motive and this motive alone that is acceptable and pleasing in His sight. Anything done out of guilt is not pleasing. Anything done out of sacrifice but not obedience is not pleasing. Anything other than the pure motivation of love doesn’t quite count.
So how do you do it? How do you walk the narrow line that you’re called to walk? Start with humility and know that only by God’s gracious help and His almighty power are you enabled to live the life that you’ve been called to.
What I took away from it are these 4 things:
Humilty
Wisdom
Love
Obedience
In that order.
Biblically speaking, humility is not a lack of self-confidence. It’s not an attitude of defeat. It’s simply recognizing that you can do nothing of worth without God. Sure, you can do most anything you put your mind to on earth and in life, but if it’s not of God, fueled by God, or assigned to you by God, it means nothing. Even those who seem to have accomplished “great” things in the world may be in for a surprise when they stand before the judgment seat of Christ and He asks them why they never sought His counsel on any of it. Then all of their great works are burned up because it wasn’t what they were called to accomplish. Humility is a simple yet fate-determining realization that apart from your Creator you can do nothing and you are nothing.
For me, a helpful visual of true humility is when I’m on plane. Flying in airplanes still doesn’t cease to amaze me and remind me of my smallness on the earth. It happens when the plane descends over a city and I look down at the millions of cars and buildings that are so small that they look like toys, and then I think of all the people occupying them and how much smaller even they are… yeah. Apart from God I’m just another ant on planet earth. I’m not that big of a deal in and of myself. But with God, I have the capabilities to be a very big deal. It has nothing to do with me, but EVERYthing to do with Him because, in case you haven’t realized, God is a very big deal.
So we must start with the truthful realization of what it means to be humble. Only then can wisdom, love, and obedience follow. When you are truly humble, you are open to God’s wisdom because you certainly know that your best-laid plans and ideas pale in comparison to what the Creator of the universe has to say about how to spend your time and your life. When you’re humble, you listen. You seek hard after God and His infinite wisdom because in your humility, you know your plans can go seriously array. Also in your humility, you know that the motives of your heart can deceive you and if you’re not careful, you’re doing things out of fear, pride, or selfish ambition. In your humility, you seek hard after God’s wisdom because you know that only He knows what’s in your heart and what it will take to get you to live a life of true, unconditional love.
When you’ve been humbled, sought the wisdom of God and received it, you are filled with an overflowing amount of love for Him and from Him. You fall in love with God again and again and again because He is utterly loveable. His wisdom is just so good and so fulfilling to your very soul that you can’t help but be filled with gratitude and love for Him. How could you live without His infinite kindness, goodness, mercy and help?? How could you possibly go on living a life that is so contingent upon all of your own meaningless ideals and preferences?? How could you live without His all-knowing perspective that saves you time and time and time again from taking wrong turns and making a mess of your life??
This love then fuels your desire to be obedient to Him unto death. You are so filled with love that you can’t wait to please Him. You are so filled with love that you will do anything for Him. And it is this motive and this motive alone that is acceptable and pleasing in His sight. Anything done out of guilt is not pleasing. Anything done out of sacrifice but not obedience is not pleasing. Anything other than the pure motivation of love doesn’t quite count.
So how do you do it? How do you walk the narrow line that you’re called to walk? Start with humility and know that only by God’s gracious help and His almighty power are you enabled to live the life that you’ve been called to.
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